This story is a bit long and admittedly pretty crazy, but it happened to me and over the years, I've felt more and more confident to share the experience.
In the early fall of 2010, I had an incredibly profound experience which forever changed my life. It took me a number of months to piece together the experience and put it back together for what it was.....and what it meant. At the time, I struggled to be normal since what I saw was so expansive, so mind-shattering and so confusing. It was like having hundreds of thousands of years of experience compressed into one day.
I was camping with a group of friends at a small music festival and during one afternoon, I suddenly got a strong draw to go back to my tent to see my girlfriend. As I stepped in and made myself comfortable, I quickly went into a deep meditative state and was whisked away from my body.
Soon after, I was in the complete emptiness of space....as a witness to the calm....the silence. Suddenly, a grand explosion took place and I was at the middle of it. It was as if the explosion contained all....all thought, all experience, all knowledge. This quickly progressed to whirling balls of gas that started to spread and spin across the vastness of space. It seemed to go on forever....and I could see the universe evolving...into millions of galaxies, billions of stars, yet I was able to see it all at once, as if I was the awareness of all that was.
It eventually led to the formation of the planets and my focus then switched to Earth. I was able to see the Earth evolving.....first the form, then the atmosphere....and finally single-celled organisms started to sprout all over. they quickly evolved to more complex life-forms....into plants, trees, into the forests. I could see the plates of the earth shifting and colliding, forming the mountains and hills. I saw the water collect on the surface and start to form pools of water as the cycle began. The organisms quickly evolved into many different beings....first more simple in structure but they quickly became the dinosaurs and the many other extinct beings that we know of..... then the mammals....the primates and eventually us. I then started seeing millions of faces....so many eyes. I was looking at these people and seeing a similarity in everyone. As if each of these people were a part of the same thing....but represented in a unique way. I got a sense that everyone was in a state of confusion.....trying so hard to make sense of it all. I knew that what I was seeing was present day and I could read and hear the thoughts of millions of people at once.
I then started to see an innumerable amount of acts between ourselves. The most beautiful things we do to and for each other but also the most depraved and sick acts that we do to each other. Yet, I was a silent observer to it all....non-judging, just observing it all for what it was. I had a knowing that all of it was just experience. almost as if we wondered what the consequence was to our actions.....to see the cause and effect of it all. I then started to see many people I've known throughout my life. many people I have judged for being one way or another, and yet, when I saw them, I loved them for their differences instead of my usual reaction.
It was then that I slipped back into my body....but yet, it wasn't as me. I was someone or something else. I faced my girlfriend and started to explain what I had seen and what she had to say about her experience was very similar. I started to hold her and started to get vivid images in my mind of a cosmic event happening then and there. I was something much greater than myself....I was one half of balance... the male aspect....the consciousness, one half of experience and knowledge of all that ever was. Our embrace was a monumental event. she was the other half. the female, the form, the substance. The knowledge she held was much different than mine. our meeting was bringing a change everywhere....in everyone. It was as if our finding each other in human form was THE moment that mankind was waiting for. (or so it seemed). I could see the Earth rejoicing that the end to all strife, all famine and to all hate had arrived. I was not myself but I was Shiva, the God of consciousness.....and I was speaking to my divine lover Parvati. I the God of thought and consciousness and she the mother God of form, of substance. We went back and forth discussing existence....discussing what we knew. The conversation was spoken at times, but telepathic at others. We were sharing stories, books, events.....some I had experienced as myself (Vincent) but some events that took place in history. She would tell me that she could feel the earth shake....feel the waves of the oceans.....feel the animals trampling upon her back....yet when she explained these things, I could see and sense the experiences she described. Our exchange went on for about an hour or two.....as we shared the secrets of life....of existence, of evolution....of all. I remember being quite thirsty throughout the experience but relished in the dryness in my mouth. It was then that I realized how much I enjoyed the anticipations of life just as much as I enjoyed the rewarding experiences. I loved it all....the positives and the negatives.....I loved the uncomfortable moments as much as I delighted in the bliss of life.
During the experience, I was able to imagine us in a palace and her and I were whisked there.......and I then realized that reality is just a perception and that we truly do create our World......we create our prisons and our palaces. Our mind is a prism that allows us to perceive the World around us differently depending on our state of mind. With a chaotic mind.....the World around us can only be chaotic.....but with a still mind.....
Once our exchange was over and exhaustion started to settle in, I closed my eyes again and saw myself in a cross-legged pose sitting in space....and then started seeing the eons pass me by. I saw the flesh dissolve from my bones, my bones turned to dust; only to have it regrow on myself again and again, into eternity. I could see the universe continue to evolve around me.....and it truly felt like space and time no longer mattered. I could stop where I wanted within existence but a decade, a century, a millennia were all nothing. Just a sudden glimpse of all that was and all that will ever be.
I awoke the next day in a terrible state of confusion. Unsure of if I was in fact Shiva....if mankind had truly been saved. I took a walk with my girlfriend and realized the significance of the moment. That we are all whole....but our World is not seen that way. Each of us represents the male and the female, the yin and yang.....and all life is whole as well but we cannot see it as such. Love and the absenceof love are one, the light and darkness are one, sweet and bitter, winter and summer.....a duality has been created in all things so the experiences can be felt fully; each experience is a coin that has two sides and our human life is such that we experience the extremes of each....I was also able to realize that the whole point of our existence is to see the similarities and differences between us all. To see that we're not separate but that we all represent a part of each other. Your enemy is yourself.....your friends are you......and strangers in the night are all a possibility of you seeing a part of yourself that you didn't know existed.
In the end, we will all come together in a loving embrace.
For about 1-1/2 to 2 months following, everything in my life lined up perfectly.......everything was synchronistic. I would be at the grocery store and envision a new cashier would appear and two seconds later, one would. I could change traffic lights, think of a person and they would immediately call. Everything lined up as if my knowing that it is all connected allowed me to alter and shift the World to my wanting. It just as quickly stopped and everything went back to the way it was. But I knew that nothing was the same.
A few months after the experience, I came across a Hindu text called the Vigyan Bhairav....which is a text detailing a conversation between Shiva and his divine lover Parvati. The book detailed the exact experience that I had had with my girlfriend. I did not know about this book before then.....so whatever it was that I experienced was somehow implanted in me and released that fateful night.
In June of 2011, I had a vision of the experience represented as a work of art, and a voice in me insisted that I create this piece. After many hours working on the piece and figuring out how to put it together, I was in awe at the piece that unfolded. The more time I put into this, the more intense was the energy coursing through me. I would literally vibrate some days when I would look at the piece and what had gone into it. Life is a great mandala of interconnectedness.......we all share common experiences and all live within the flow. The piece represents not only the dualities of life but also contains some hidden truths of our World. I have included some holy/powerful sites on our Earth, several spiritual guides and teachers throughout the ages.....I have also included some portals to other worlds that I have seen and experienced through deep meditation.
In this time of great fear for the fate of mankind....I feel that experiences such as these are spontaneously being had across the globe. The experiences are meant to be shared as they will help us evolve to our true purpose.
Since this experience, I continue to journey, to expand my understanding of the World and our Universe. I'm a constant seeker. I feel blessed to have had the experience and to have seen and known such deep wisdom.